Dirty Pick Up Lines

Whether you’re reading these dirty pick up lines for the humor or you plan to use them for real, rest assured that we have you covered. Probably best used over messenger or as a Tinder ice breaker, most of these dirty pick up lines might not quite get the reaction you’re after, just be sure to keep your distance if you plan to use them face to face! Enjoy and have fun!

Dirty Pick Up Lines

“All those curves, and me with no brakes.”
“Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?”
“Are those f**k me eyes, or f**k you eyes?”
“Are those Guess jeans? ‘Cause guess who wants to get into them.”
“Are those jeans on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!”
“Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.”
“Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100% off at my place!”
“Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!”
“Are you a flight attendant? Coz u gonna be plane with this penis soon.”
“Are we related? Do you want to be?”
“Are you a cowgirl cause I can see you riding me”
“Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? Cause I’m about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this dick.”
“Are you a light switch? ‘Cause you turn me on!”
“Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!”
“Are you a racehorse? Cause when I ride you’ll always finish first.”
“Are you a termite? Cause you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.”
“Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.”

“Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.”
“Are you constipated? Cause I wanna f**k the shit out of you.”
“Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?”
“Are you going to that funeral? (What Funeral) The one where my balls drop dead in your mouth”
“Are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.”
“Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.”
“Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.”
“Are your knees dirty? I don’t want to get my floor dirty.”
“Babe, are you an elevator? Because I want to go down on you.”
“Baby I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses, one leg over each ear.”
“Baby your bone structure is giving my “bone” structure.”
“Baby!! My love for you is like Diarrhoea. It just keeps coming out”
“Baby… wanna come for a ride?”

Too dirty?! Would you rather take a look at some corny pick up lines?

“Beauty is only skin deep; a huge cock goes much deeper.”
“Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?”
“Call me Chris Brown, cause I’d h

it that!” [Look at her ass]
“Can I be the wiener in your hot dog?”
“Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.”
“Can I impregnate you with my demon spawn?”
“Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.”
“Can I please be your slave tonight?”
“Can I see your tan lines?”
“Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my penis?”
“Can I take you to the Bone-yard?”
“Can you help me up? My penis is too big.”
“Come in the house and take off your coat, open your mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!”
“Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.”
“Do you handle chickens because you look like you’d be good with cocks”
“Do you have a beard on your pussy/ass-hole? (No.) Want one?”
“Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?”
“Do you have a can opener? My penis is about to pop.”
“Do you have a composition notebook? Cause you can come position yourself on my face.”
“Do you have a shovel? Cause I’m diggin’ that ass!”
“Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?”
“Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?”
“Do you have pet insurance? No?…. Cause I’m going destroy your pussy.”
“Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?”
“Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop?”
“Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!”
“Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?”
“Do you know what part of the tongue registers the salty taste? Why don’t you blow me and find out?”
“Do you know what would look good on you? Me.”
“Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color co-ordinated.”
“Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.”
“Do you like Alphabet soup…Cause you gonna be choking on the D”
“Do you like cherries? [No.] Ok, can I have yours?”
“Do you like chocolate, cause your gonna choke a lot on this penis”
“Do you like duck meat? Then duck down here and get some meat.”
“Do you like Imagine Dragons? Well Imagine Dragon my balls across your face.”
“Do you like Jalapenos?…Because in a minute imma be jalapeno pussy.”
“Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.”
“Do you like Kids?, cause I’m about to make your mouth a daycare”
“Do you like Krispy Kreme, cause I’m gonna glaze your donut.”
“Do you like Sea World, because you’re about to be in my splash zone”
“Do you like tapes and CDs? (I guess) Good, ’cause Imma tape this penis to your forehead so you CDs nuts”
“Do you like to draw? (yeah why?) Cause I put the D in Raw”
“Do you like warm weather? Cause I’m gonna put my warm balls on your face whether you like it or not Come here or my dick will start CUMING for you!”
“Do you like yoga? Cause yoganna love this dick”

Hey! Check out our cute pick up lines if you’re after something a little nicer… 🙂

“Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?”
“Do you take it up the ass?”
“Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?”
“Do you use an inhaler? Cause you got assssss ma.”
“Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?”
“Do you wanna do something that rhymes with ‘Truck’?”
“Do you wanna lick my tongue?”
“Do you wanna see why my nickname is ‘tri-pod’?”
“Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?”
“Do you want to have good sex? [No!] Well then come to my place!”
“Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.”
“Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.”
“Does your pussy smell like fish because I like sushi”
“Don’t worry, I don’t get emotionally involved. It’s just physical.”
“Erections like these don’t grow on trees you know.”
“Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?”
“Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.”
“Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?”
“Excuse me, but I have the mother load and was wondering if you had a place”
“Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?”
“Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?”
“Excuse me, have I f**ked you yet?”
“Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.”
“Excuse me, is it true that you’re a sexual tyrannosaurus?”
“Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?”
“Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?”
“F**k me, I’m beautiful enough to be with you all night.”
“Fancy a f**k?”
“First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.”
“Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.”
“Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get ’em while they’re hot!”
“Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?”
“Girl, you make me wanna dive in the sea….. dat pus-sea.”
“Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.”
“Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?”
“Guess what?! I’ve got an 8″ tongue and I can breathe out of my ears!”
“Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.”
“Has any one ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.”
“Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!”
“Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?”
“Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.”
“Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?”
“Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?”
“Have you ever played leap frog naked??”
“Having sex is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.”
“Hello, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get sexual”
“Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?”
“Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?”
“Hey babe, wanna sample my DNA?”
“Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!”
“Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.”
“Hey baby, I’m kind of cold, Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?”
“Hey baby, I’ll f**k you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we’re done.”
“Hey baby, let’s go make some babies.”
“Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!”
“Hey baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?”
“Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I’ll throw you my meat.”
“Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?”
“Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, or yield?””
“Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?”
“Hey baby, you like Glazed or creme filled?”
“Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt – my eyes!”
“Hey Baby! I’d like to use your thighs as earmuffs.”
“Hey baby…can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?”
“Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?”
“Hey girl do you wanna dance cos you make my testicals do the macarena”
“Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!”
“Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.”
“Hey since I lifted your spirits, how about you lift up your shirt.”
“Hey there, I just took some Viagra and I have 18 hours left.”
“Hey, are you hiring? I really need a blowjob.”
“Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster?”
“Hey, let’s play farmer, You be the farmland, I’ll plant the seed.”
“Hey, my seamen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?”
“Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one.”
“Hey, you’ve got a lawyer’s ass. Yip, it’s firm.”
“Hey! tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.”
“Hey! Wanna play war?” Her: “What?” You: “Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the f**k outta me!”
“Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’”
“Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?”
“Hi, I am your slave, take me home and mistreat me.”
“Hi, i’m a burgular… and I’m gonna smash your back door in!”
“Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?”
“Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.”
“Hi, my name is ______________. I eat pussy like a woman.”
“Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?”
“Hi! Can I stir your drink, mind if i use my dick?”
“Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.”
“Hi. I’m horny.”
“Hold out two fingers and say: “Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?” (I don’t know.) “Cause they’re mine sweetheart.””
“Honey, your dad doesn’t have a penis. He’s got a paintbrush!”
“How about later tonight, you let me slip into something a little more comfortable… Like your vagina.”
“How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat!”
“How about you be my story and I’ll be your climax!”
“How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut!”
“How much does your clothes cost? (She says “Why do you want to know?”) Cause I`ll need to know how much to pay you back after I rip them off.!”
“Hypothetically speaking, if I were to f**k you, would you let me?”
“I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue.”
“I call my penis the truth because bitches can’t handle it”
“I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.”
“I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.”
“I cum in 5 seconds, you won’t even know I was there.”
“I don’t care that you used to be fat, just come here and let me eat that cat!”
“I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.”
“I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but who’s to say it’s wrong if we sleep together?”
“I got a massive penis, why don’t you come home with me and I’ll let you ride”
“I have a 13 inch penis. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.”
“I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.”
“I have a job for you, but it blows!”
“I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?”
“I have an “owie” on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?”
“I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.”
“I have the entire dictionary written on my penis. Want me to put some words in your mouth??”
“I heard you like Magic, well bend over and watch my dick disappear.”
“I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?”
“I heard your grades are bad…..I’m sure this D won’t hurt.”
“I hope to God you can’t sing because I just wanna f**k you.”
“I hope you have a sewing machine, cause I’m gonna tear dat ass up”
“I hope your a plumber, cause you got my pipe leaking.”
“I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.”
“I know you haven’t been studying, You must want the D”
“I like being able to breathe but I wouldn’t mind having that ass-thma”
“I like every bone in your body, especially mine.”
“I like my women, like I like my ice cream, fat free and dripping down my fingers”
“I lost my pants, do you mind if I wrap your legs around me instead?”
“I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.”
“I love you, I want to marry you. Now f**k my brains out.”
“I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!”
“I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?”
“I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice Ass!”
“I think my allergies are acting up. Cuz everytime your around my penis swells up.”
“I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.”
“I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.”
“I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help….”
“I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.”
“I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I’m kinda hoping you’re a slut!”
“I would f**k you so hard, you’d learn from it.”
“I would tell you a joke about my penis….buts it’s too long”
“I’d hide every chair in the world just so you’d have to sit on my face.”
“I’d treat you like a snow storm. Give you six to eight inches and make it mildly inconvenient for you to move in the morning.”
“I’ll kiss you in the rain, so you get twice as wet.”
“I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?”
“I’m an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.”
“I’m bigger and better than the Titanic … only 200 woman went down on the Titanic”
“I’m no rooster, but watch what this cock-a-do-to-you”
“I’m not a dick in real life, but I’ll play one in your vagina tonight!”
“I’m not skinny, I’m ribbed for your her pleasure.”
“I’m studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pussy?”
“I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?”
“I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.”
“I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…”
“I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.”
“I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it”
“I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.”
“I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips… And the ones on your face.”
“I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.”
“I’ll bet you $10 my penis can’t fit into your mouth.”
“I’ll bet you £10 my penis can’t fit into your mouth.”
“I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.”
“I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I’m finished.”
“I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?”
“I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!”
“I’m a starving artist and I want to eat you.”
“I’m a used car but you can still drive me!”
“I’m a writer, you’re a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?”
“I’m conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first”
“I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.”
“I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?”
“I’m going outside to make out… care to join me?”
“I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.”
“I’m hard. You wet?”
“I’m leaving this place … want to cum?”
“I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!”
“I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!”
“I’m like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!”
“I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.”
“I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!”
“I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.”
“I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.”
“I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?”
“I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.”
“I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?”
“I’m peanut butter, you’re jelly, let’s have sex.”
“I’m scared of getting you pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?”
“I’m the doctor of love baby and you’re over due for your meat injection!”
“I’m the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.”
“I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.”
“I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.”
“I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?”
“I’ve got a condom with your name on it.”
“I’ve got a great big penis!”
“I’ve got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?”
“I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.”
“I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.”
“If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!”
“If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put my name first so you could memorize what to moan later on tonight”
“If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?”
“If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don’t, so let’s go.”
“If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?”
“If I take off my clothes, will you f**k me?”
“If I told you I had a 2 inch penis would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.”
“If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?”
“If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?”
“If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?”
“If I were a cat I’d spend all 9 lives with you.”
“If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricants.”
“If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!”
“If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?”
“If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.”
“If you talk to me, I’ll f**k you.”
“If you were a car, I’d wax you and ride you all over town.”
“If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you.”
“If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.”
“If your ass was snow, I’d plow it.”
“If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?”
“I’ll treat you like my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long.”
“Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.”
“Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s in your bra?”
“Is it your birthday?, because icing isn’t the only thing I’ll be smearing all over face your face tonight.”
“Is pussy lips one word? Cause I’m gonna spread them tonight”
“Is that a keg in your pants? Because I’d love to tap that ass.”
“Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.”
“Is your dad a carnival worker? Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.”
“Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.”
“It sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?”
“Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.”
“Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.”
“Let us let only latex stand between our love.”
“Let’s play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!”
“Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.”
“Let’s go f**k in a brand new limo.”
“Let’s go to your place and love each other until my penis falls in your pussy.”
“Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.”
“Let’s just f**k.”
“Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.”
“Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.”
“Lets play “Titanic.” When I say “Iceburg!” you do down.”
“Lets play circus, first sit on my face I’ll guess your weight and i’ll eat the difference”
“Lets play titanic youll be the ocean and ill go down on you”
“Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.”
“Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.”
“Life is like a penis. When it gets hard, “F**k it”.”
“Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that.”
“Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.”
“Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.”
“Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and f**k you for glory.”
“May I pleasure you with my tongue?”
“Mines bigger than his, you want proof?”
“Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?”
“My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?”
“My cat’s dead, can I play with your pussy instead?”
“My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?”
“My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.”
“My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.”
“My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string”
“My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties…oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast…”
“My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?”
“My name’s Pogo, d’ya wanna jump on my stick?”
“My penis has been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?”
“My penis is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?”
“My penis is like catnip, it’ll make a cougar like you go wild.”
“My penis just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?”
“My place…..Eight o’clock……bring a friend.”
“My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.”
“Nice beach balls, can I play?”
“Nice f**king weather. Want to?”
“Nice legs, lets eat out.”
“Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?”
“Nice shoes, wanna f**k?”
“Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?”
“Nice tits, mind if i feel them?”
“Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?”
“Oh, you’re a bird watcher. [Pull out your penis] Well, would you take this for a swallow?”
“People call me John, but you can call me tonight!”
“People call me the bar stool because of my third leg”
“Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.”
“Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.”
“Pizza is my second favourite thing to eat in bed.”
“Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re having sex, cause I’m stronger than you”
“Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.”
“Sex is a killer … want to die happy?.”
“Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.”
“Show me your pussy!”
“Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.”
“Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?”
“Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.”
“Smile, if you want to have sex with me.”
“So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your ass tonight?”
“So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?”
“So, you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.”
“Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch penis; I’d never shortchange myself like that!”
“That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!”
“That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.”
“That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.”
“That’s a nice shirt, can I take you out of it?”
“That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!”
“The club ends at 2, I gotta go to work at 8 let’s go back to your place so you can get that pussy ate”
“The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?”
“The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.”
“The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.”
“The police want to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?”
“The word for tonight is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word?”
“They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.”
“They call me the Delivery Man, cause I always come in the back door”
“They’re called “eyebrows” cus my eyes are browsin your fine ass”
“This Dick a rental car company…..It Hertz”
“Those boobs look very heavy… can I hold them for you?”
“Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.”
“Wanna f**k like bunnies?”
“Wanna go on an ate with me? I’ll give you the D later.”
“Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend”
“Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.”
“Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.”
“Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.”
“Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!”
“Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I’ll shove a tic tac up your pussy and try to give you 3 O’s in a row.”
“Wanna see my third leg?”
“Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?”
“Want to make a porno? We don’t have to tape it.”
“Want to see my hard drive? It ain’t 3.5 inches, and it ain’t floppy!”
“Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, “do you want to taste my drink?””
“Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?”
“We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I’ll poke you.”
“We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.”
“We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.”
“Were you conceived on a sofa? Cause you are sofacking fine.”
“What are you doing tonight beside me?”
“What do I have to do to be your booty call?”
“What do you call a penguin with a large penis? An icebreaker.”
“What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the ‘D’ later?”
“What is long and hard, and right behind you?”
“What time do you get off? Can I watch?”
“What’s the biggest moving muscle in a women’s body. My penis!”
“What’s the difference between me and my couch..? My couch pulls out.”
“What’ll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.”
“What’s the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!”
“Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?”
“Why pay $5 when you can’t get this footlong for free?!”
“Will you marry me for just one night?”
“Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under”
“Wow! Are those real?”
“Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits”
“Yeah. I’m an asshole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?”
“You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I’m 5.”
“You are so selfish! You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.”
“You are so selfish! You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.”
“You can call me “The Fireman”….mainly because I turn the hoes on!”
“You can touch mine if I can touch yours with mine.”
“You don’t want to have sex on your period? I don’t mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.”
“You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.”
“You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.”
“You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.”
“You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.”
“You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.”
“You know how they say skin the largest organ on the human body? Well not in my case.”
“You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.”
“You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south?”
“You know what cums after C….The D!”
“You know what I like in a girl? [What?] My penis.”
“You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.”
“You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!”
“You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.”
“You look familiar, have we had sex before?”
“You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.”
“You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.”
“You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.”
“You Need Directions?…Well first you gotta take this D-tour.”
“You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!”
“You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to fuck you too”
“You should join the circus. (Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.”
“You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?”
“You: Hey, I don’t feel to good. Her: Why? You: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Her: What? You: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.”
“You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.”
“You’re so hot I’d jack your dad off just to see where you came from.”
“You’d mind if I fantasize about you?”
“You’re a sex crime waiting to happen.”
“You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.”
“You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.”
“You’re on my list of things to do tonight.”
“Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?”
“Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen up?”
“Your Ass Looks Nice, does it need servicing cause I got a wrench and some screws just for you.”
“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore….my face should be among them.”
“Your clothes are looking a little heavy on ya, want me to relieve some?”
“Your pants remind me of Vegas…. The kinda place I go to blow my wad.”
(Look down at your crotch) “It’s not just going to suck itself.”
(Stare at her until she says “What!?!”) “It isn’t just gonna suck itself.”
(Use index finger to call her over) “I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.”
(Whispering in her ear) “I think about you when I masturbate”
[Pass her a bottle of wine or something stronger] “Drink this, and then call me when you’re ready.”
[Pull out a coin] ”If I flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
[Walk into her chest] “If they weren’t so large, it wouldn’t have happened!”
As you walk by, turn around and say: “Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!”
At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”
Her: “Excuse me, do you have the time?”, You: “Yes, do you have the energy?”
Her: “What are you doing?”, You: “I’m taking off my shoes.”, Her: “Why?”, You: “So I can take off my pants.”
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have sex with me.” (Watch her smile!)
You: “Are my undies showing?”, Her: “No.”, You: “Would you like them to?”
You: “Are you a virgin?”, Her: “No.”, You: “Prove it.”
You: “Are you cold?, Her: “Yes”, You: “You want a jacket?”, Her: “Sure”, You: “Well, not here, you can jack it when you get back to my room.”

That’s your lot! Some are close to the line but they make for great Tinder openers! If you have any dirty pick up lines that aren’t in our list then drop them in the comments and I’ll add them to the list guys.

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