what do women like in men

What do Women Like in Men? 21 Things Women Want In A Guy

It’s the million dollar question isn’t it. All guys would love to know exactly what do women like in men, I mean, why wouldn’t we? Well I suppose there is that fear that we’re never going to quite match up to the list (and it’s a pretty long one) of requirements, maybe we just don’t look hard enough?

I mention in my post on Tinder, that I had a lot of female friends, I’ve also recently started connecting with some female dating bloggers on Twitter. So I’ve decided to make use of the fact they’re of the fairer sex and ask them exactly what it is that they want in a potential partner. I thought this would be of use to you, as you set out into the world of dating, to make sure you don’t mess up anything along the way.

I’d like to say a quick thank you to @nobodysdate@firstdateprblms and @SingleGirlsAnon for their contributions. You can read a guest post on “how to ask a girl out online” by the ladies over at Single Girls Anonymous by clicking here too.

What do Women Like in Men?

Similar Levels Of Intelligence

Guys, you’ve got to be able to hold a conversation with her, so a similar level of intelligence is a must. If you’re unable to do this then it’s unlikely to go far. Women need to be stimulated mentally and that comes from good conversation or at least conversation at her level of intelligence. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist (unless she is…) but you do need to hold your own with her.

Good Looks

This one was bound to come up but it was refreshing to hear that women aren’t always looking for ridiculously sculpted, well groomed men. Thank goodness! What they said was more important was a guy’s appearance and the way they carry themselves. It’s important to keep yourself in reasonable shape though and always dress well. Being either clean-shaven or a well-groomed beard is essential, you can’t expect many women to really dig the Santa-Esque beard! A killer smile also won’t do you any harm so keep your teeth clean and white!


Don’t forget your P’s & Q’s guys, if there’s one thing that women like in a man, then that’s manners. Being polite isn’t just about you saying please and thank you though, speaking whilst eating, listening to her when speaking, and being punctual all fall into the same category. Politeness and chivalry go hand in hand with each other so be sure to be a gentleman and treat her with respect and you won’t go far wrong.

Same Sense Of Humor

Being able to laugh at yourself is one thing but laughing at the same things was also high on the list. A girl wants you to find the same things funny as she does, I mean who wants to be sat laughing at something on their own?! This does kind of tie into similar levels of intelligence, if you have that then the chances are you’re going to find the same things funny too.

Happy To Include Her And Invite Her Along To Events

This one I wasn’t really expecting but after reading it makes perfect sense. It was really important, to most of the women asked, that their significant other included them in their social calendar in terms of work get-togethers or sports club nights out. It made them feel like they were fully included in their lives and not sat on the sidelines.

Similar Interests Or A Willingness To Get Involved In Hers

Alongside a similar level of intelligence and sense of humor, women also want to have shared interests with a guy. That’s a difficult one if you’ve only just met and didn’t know each other before, that’d where the second part kicks in. If you don’t share common interests then be willing to give hers a go. Go to that art gallery if she wants to and participate in the activities she enjoys, you might even enjoy it! She will appreciate the effort you are making and that will lead to a happier time together.

Is Loving and Shows Affection

This sounds obvious but being tactile by holding hands, putting your arm around her as you walk, or even just resting your hand on her leg when sitting together really makes a difference. On top of this, regular cuddles, kissing, and other acts of intimacy are all high on the list of requirements. In short, she wants to know that you’re into her and the best way to do that is through your actions.

Is Supportive

The women I asked felt this was another crucial trait of a potential suitor and is geared towards emotional support as well as backing her in her career. Emotional support is all about being there for her when she’s upset and understanding and listening to her. She knows you can’t fix her problems necessarily so don’t offer solutions, sometimes she just wants you to listen and comfort her.

Career support can be given in two ways; the first is being happy and encouraging with important projects or when she’s up for a promotion; the other is about not being threatened by her if she is further along in her career than you are. A potentially difficult situation for any guy but one who is understanding will be able to see the positives in her being the breadwinner and commend her for it.

Makes Her Feel At Ease

Women like to feel relaxed around a man, they want you to make them feel comfortable at all times. If you’re driving somewhere together then keep your road rage under control otherwise she’s going to be on edge the whole time and think you’re an aggressive douche.

If you invite her over to your place then it’s vital that you make her feel welcome right away, there’s nothing worse than being at someone’s place and being made to feel unwelcome!

Pays For Things Without Prompting Or Moaning

Ok, so we’re not talking about paying for everything all of the time here but in the early dates, you should be fronting the bill each time. If you’re following my first and second date ideas then you won’t be breaking the bank but you will be showing her what a gentleman you are.

Once you’re in a relationship and living together then chances are you’re sharing a bank account at this point. In this situation, it’s just about being the one to make the payment even if it’s from the joint account. Take your card out of your wallet and leave her to finish her drink as you settle the check.

Makes Her Feel Protected

The majority of women, no matter how confident they are, want a man to be their protector. This doesn’t require physical strength or being able to fend off a mugger, this is more about not putting her in dangerous situations. Simple things you can do to make her feel safe are simple acts of chivalry such as walking her to her car or walking her to her door if you’re driving her home.

The other side to this is emotional protection and that means allowing her to speak freely about her feelings with you trying to make light of them. Making her feel like she can trust you with absolutely anything and you’ll be there for her, no matter what.

Plans Days Out For You As A Couple

Dating doesn’t stop when you get into a relationship, surprise her often with romantic days out together and she’ll be yours forever. Don’t let her have to beg you for this alone time, you made the decision to be in a relationship with her and so show her that you want to spend time together.

It doesn’t have to be an over-the-top gesture either, simply planning to spend some quality alone time doing something you both enjoy is enough.

Gets Involved With Her Family & Friends

This seems obvious but if family and friends are important to her then make the effort to be involved with them. If she invites you to meet up with them, don’t make excuses or take it as an opportunity to go and see yours – this is a bad idea! Giving up your time to spend with those she cares the most about will earn you some serious boyfriend points!

Doesn’t Obviously Look At Other Women

It turns out that women are well aware that we look at other women, you know why? Because they look at other guys too! Didn’t notice huh? Well, that’s because they probably don’t do it around you out of respect, and they expect the same in return. It wouldn’t make you feel good if she was ogling another guy so keep your eyes to yourself in her company too.

Both sexes can’t help but admire a really attractive person, hell, when you’re comfortable enough with her you might even point them out together! I know I have, it’s great fun people watching but building trust in the first place is key.

Is Unselfish

You’re taught from a very young age that sharing is good and being selfish is bad, it turns out that this is as true as an adult as it is when you’re younger. Proving that you’re unselfish can come in many guises such as giving up your time to do something she wants, to not watching your sports team on the TV so she can watch her favourite show. There are countless other small acts that you can do like always offering her a drink when you’re making one, or better yet when you’re not! The rules are simple, stop just thinking about yourself and make it more about her.

what do women like in men

Doesn’t Keep In Contact With Ex-Girlfriends

I shouldn’t need to tell you this but we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, there’s a girl you’re just not quite ready to stop talking to and so you keep her number. The thing with this is, you won’t have spoken to her in months and then you’ll be happily sitting with your new girlfriend and a message will pop up out of the blue, and then you’ve got to explain who the hell she is and why she is still talking to you.

Do you want to take the risk?

If you really want to make things work with your girlfriend then you should make it clear to those women that could send that dreaded message, that you’re happy in a new relationship and not interested in what they have to say.

Is Clean and Hygienic

I’m almost embarrassed to have to list this one but you’ll know who you are if this refers to you. You can’t skip your showering as an adult like you might have been able to get away with in your younger days. It’s really not attractive and a foul odour or bad breath is not going to bode well at all.

Isn’t Totally Insane

This is news to me but it turns out that guys can be just as crazy as girls!

If you have any weird and wonderful habits or fetishes then keep them to yourself. Blurting them out in the early stages will make you seem a little unhinged in most cases. Most women are open to a lot of things with guys they’re totally comfortable with but with a man she met just a couple of months ago? Forget it!

Also in this category falls the stalker / controlling type. If she’s not responding to a message, don’t bombard her with dozens more, it’s just plain weird and they won’t appreciate it in the slightest. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t do weird stuff like go to her home or place of work and send messages like “smile, I can see you” (true story!) – that’s some restraining order inducing behaviour right there!

Doesn’t Live With His Parents

This isn’t surprising really, being able to make a woman feel safe and protected is an awful lot easier if you’ve displayed the ability to stand on your own two feet. Living with your parents isn’t acceptable to a lot of women these days and I can totally see why. So, unless, you’ve temporarily moved home to save for a house deposit, get out there and look after yourself for a change!

Has a Decent Job

No woman likes a deadbeat. Women want a breadwinner, it’s part of the need for protection and it’s difficult to convince her that you have your shit together if you’re pulling in minimum wage dude. You can become instantly more appealing to the fairer sex by getting yourself a job with prospects. She’s not asking for you to be rich but have the drive and ambition to be better will go a long way.

Drives and Owns a Car

About 50% of women asked said that this was important. If you live in a small town where getting around is easy then I guess this is less of an issue but if you want to be able to pick her up instead of meeting her places then you best get yourself a license man. It’s not that hard to do and having a car shows you at least have some of your shit together.

There you have it guys, you’ve asked “what do women like in men?” and so I’ve asked around and got you the most comprehensive list of requirements around. If you can tick off the majority of those then you’re sure to make a fine boyfriend and maybe even a husband someday.

Update: Since this post, I’ve added a similar one as a guest post from a woman I recently got chatting to on Twitter. Her response to this question was so good that I thought it deserved its own post, you can read it here.

Happy dating,

The Frequent Dater

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